sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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