Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
