What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
