We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
3 2 1 whiskey
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
