We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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