I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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