I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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