just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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