I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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