According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
