If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
