so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
