New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize