It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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