I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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