We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
