i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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