his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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