An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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