dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
