im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
