I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
