My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
