apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
