my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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