You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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