I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
