I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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