I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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