Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the condom got lost in my hair
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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