Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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