I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
