I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found the puke drawer
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
