we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
