I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
