we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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