If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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