Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize