life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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