I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
