You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
