So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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