Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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