You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
