rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize