What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
