Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize