I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
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Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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