god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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