We named our party play list daddy issues
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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