remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
