shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize