I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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