My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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