i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
