I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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