I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
