I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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