sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
