it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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