Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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