Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
